all my books are lying useless

Made it through a year! I'll post the book stats and other paraphernalia tomorrow, but here are the last 19 or so books I read in the month of December:

182. Sammy Keyes and the Search for Snake Eyes by Wendelin van Draanen
183. Year of the Griffin by Diana Wynne Jones
184. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
185. Wildwood Dancing by Juliet Marillier
186. The Hourglass Door by Lisa Mangum
187. The Golden Spiral by Lisa Mangum
188. The Sleeping Beauty by Mercedes Lackey
189. Thief Eyes by Janni Lee Simner
190. Rapunzel's Revenge by Shannon Hale
191. Calamity Jack by Shannon Hale
192. The Charming Quirks of Others by Alexander McCall Smith
193. The Penderwicks by Jeanne Birdsall
194. The Penderwicks on Gardam Street by Jeanne Birdsall
195. Season of Gifts by Richard C. Peck
196. Academy 7 by Anne Osterland
197. Troubled Waters by Sharon Shinn
198. Quatrain by Sharon Shinn
199. The Fairy Godmother by Mercedes Lackey
200. One Good Knight by Mercedes Lackey

Go me.

passage of time

Sometimes I feel very keenly my age, but I can never decide whether I feel very young or quite old.

I certainly feel young to be working for the Church, at the Logan Institute. Everyone there (even the young secretary) seems so experienced, settled. When I think that I'm just 22, and how many years that brings the average age down, I feel uncomfortable and shy.

Sometimes I feel young to think about teaching, or getting married. Why would I expect high school students to listen to what I say? As far as getting married goes...I don't even want to talk about it.

But then I feel old. Most of the people I want to be my friends are 18 or 19. I think, Why would they want to be friends with me? I graduated college before they even graduated high school! I've got all this life experience on them and we have nothing in common. But I want to be their friends anyway.

Most of the times I feel old are in my ward. Most of the times I feel young are at work. I guess that means I'm just the right age. And I should get used to that...


"Recessional"

I see what I destroy

Things that make me cringe (literally, physically):

Santa Clause

It's Santa Claus. I don't know if I should blame that Tim Allen movie or what, but almost no one I know can spell it right, and it shouldn't be that hard!

An-GEL

No one actually says an-GEL. It's more of a singing thing. I used to be okay with it, but now I'm not. I shouldn't be hearing it. Thank goodness the ward Christmas program is on Sunday and I won't have to hear it again for a while.

Lezlie

Not sure why people can't say my name. Sometimes I don't notice, but I have some friends that really emphasize the 'z' and I'm like, you've known me for how long? I keep wondering if I should bring it up but then they might feel bad because they've been mispronouncing my name for years (you'd think the cringe would clue them in).

When my brother is mad at me he'll call me Lezlie. It's the worst thing he can think of (that won't get him in trouble).

And, like, it's not a huge deal. I still answer to it. I dated a guy for a while before he realized he'd been saying it wrong, so it wasn't an immediate deal-breaker. But, well, it is my name. And it's said with an 's'.

Showing Off

Sometimes a young girl I know will raise her hand and be a know-it-all. Pretty much every time I cringe. Can't help it. It's worse because I sometimes make myself cringe. I've long called myself the "Ward Choir Hermione" and it's only worse now that I am an accompanist (and thus, in my mind, in a position of "authority"). I can't shut myself up, just like I can't shut that other girl up.

There are other things that annoy me, but these are the ones that I can't help but manifest my annoyance with. I think it says a lot about me, unfortunately.

"My Medea"

these inconvenient fireworks

Remember my 17-year-old crush? I do. I didn't remember that I'd reused a blog title, though. Hate that.

Well, it's gotten worse. I still tend to look fondly on the young man mentioned in the post linked above, and I like to tease his sister that I'm only friends with her so she can get me close to him (it hasn't worked, haven't seen him in at least a month -- or whenever the school musical was ;) ...). But what's gotten worse is that I now have a crush on a ... wait for it...

10-year-old.

I'm actually not sure that's how old he is; I've not asked. But he's between 9 and 12 for sure. Every time I see him my heart goes pit-pat (not pitter-patter, I'm not at that stage of crushing yet). Often when I glance at him he's looking back at me; I think he admires me. There's a lot to admire, I admit. And when he smiles -- goodness. He is so cute. And he sings well. And he's not very mean. I saw him teasing one of the other kids once, I think, but that's what boys do with each other. They pull their stools out from underneath them. So it's okay.

I look forward to choir so I can see him, catch his eyes on me, smile at him (and the other children). I think it's even his turn for the roller coaster next week, so I'll even talk to him. I'm excited.

...

Yes, new lows. This isn't as bad as the absolutely hopeless crush I had on Dan when I was in 9th grade, he was in 7th. Or the crush I had on a sophomore when I was a senior. That was pretty severe too.

But still. Why can't I fall in love with someone my own age? This is starting to get ridiculous.

can trace all my books

I can't believe I've been able to use the same line all year. Amazing how I've been able to come up with so many iterations. Even now I'm not quite resigned to the slightly incomprehensible and confusing ones that spring first to mind, though it gets harder every time...one more month! Do you think I can manage to read 20 books in December? I'd like a nice round number. (Edit: I forgot a book; do you think I can read 19 books? ha.) Here is November's list:

November
166. Emily the Strange: Stranger and Stranger by Rob Reger and Jessica Grunner
167. The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester by Barbara O'Connor
168. The Unbearable Lightness of Scones by Alexander McCall Smith
169. Sammy Keyes and the Wedding Crasher by Wendelin van Draanen
170. Walls Within Walls by Maureen Sherry
171. The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan
172. The Magicians of Caprona by Diana Wynne Jones
173. The Crowfield Curse by Pat Walsh
174. On the Blue Comet by Rosemary Wells
175. The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean
176. Grounded by Kate Klise
177. Sammy Keyes and the Cold Hard Cash by Wendelin van Draanen
178. Corduroy Mansions by Alexander McCall Smith
179. The Fool's Girl by Celia Rees
180. Faith, Hope, and Ivy June by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
181. Rose Daughter by Robin McKinley