while you retreat to your comforts

I have this self-worth issue. It's something I've done for years but only just realized. It's easily fixed, too, but I will have to work.

Here it is: I can't go over to someone's place without a gift of some sort. Usually food, or returning an item.

Most recently, I went to visit my buddy DZ[1] at his apartment. It was totally just to say hi and maybe chat for a while, but I didn't feel comfortable showing up at his door without an offering. So I gathered up some peaches and apples to give him. Then I felt like it was "worth it" to come over.

Another notable instance happened nearly 3 years ago. I wanted to talk to my friend Robert, but I not only couldn't drop in (I had to make an appointment) I had to make a batch of cookies to take over as well.[2]

Pretty much, I don't think my mere presence is sufficient for a social visit.

See? Easily fixed, but a clear self-worth issue and something that I will need to work on. If ever I have a social life again. :/


[1] He's really my friend dzhonatan, but at my house we call him DZ and that name just screams for a buddy rather than a friend, hence my buddy DZ. Who probably didn't know his exalted nickname.
[2] I don't know WHAT he thought of that -- though I have some ideas: bribe (failure, he didn't tell me what I wanted to know); flirting (awkward, as he's now married and, well, I wasn't flirting); trying to get rid of food (I hope so, even though the cookies were fresh-baked).




"Watershed" ~ Vienna Teng