everybody looks so luminous and strangely young

I tried an experiment this week. In Marriage Prep sometime last week we brought up the sad fact that girls have to wear makeup and guys don't. (I talk a lot about marriage prep. It's a good class.) We discussed why that is. I decided to rebel against society and not wear makeup.

Monday was okay. I was dressed in pastels and my hair was down, so it was overall a light effect and I thought, "This isn't so bad. I can do this." Tuesday wasn't as good because my hair fought a little bit with me and I couldn't hide it behind a little bit of makeup (not that I put makeup on my hair, but a prettier face can distract from sloppier hair sometimes), so the overall effect was a little slovenly. Wednesday and Thursday got progressively worse, and Friday I stopped caring and just wore a sweatshirt, completing the "I don't care how I look" appearance.

I was scared for Saturday because I went home for my dad's concert (he's in Craig Jessop's new choir [he used to conduct the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, for those who don't immediately pick up on the name] and they sang Mozart's Requiem, which is a really awesome piece) and my mom's not afraid to tell me that I look ... like I could be improved with the application of some makeup. but she didn't say anything.

That's about the point that I thought that this might all be in my head. Nobody made a comment all week long, and maybe it was just my insecurities that made me feel a lot less attractive than usual. Sunday morning (today) I was excited, but also a little apprehensive. I asked my roommates if they thought I looked respectful enough for the Sabbath, and they didn't even think about the fact I wasn't wearing makeup. They just laughed at my nun clothes. (The word was actually "harvard choir girl" but isn't that about the same thing?)

So now that I know that people don't say anything when I don't wear makeup, what's next?

I'm going to go back to wearing makeup. I didn't feel comfortable talking to people (this includes boys, girls, professors, employers, etc.) because I felt like they were judging me for not enhancing my natural beauty (actually especially girls, because they WERE wearing makeup). I'm a lot more insecure about myself without knowing that I've made at least some effort to look pretty. On one occasion or more I saw someone cute (oh shut up) and they were looking back at me, then I ran away because I didn't want them to see me not at my best. And except for Friday I did try to look at least presentable in my dress.

So that was an interesting experiment. You all should try it sometime. That is, if you're a female that conforms to society mores, which most females at BYU do. I think once I get married and move out of the bubble I will feel more secure about my face without enhancements, but right now it's...not that way.

(I did think my friend Andrew was a lot more handsome that time he came to school with foundation and eyeliner still leftover from the roadshow the night before. Why shouldn't guys wear makeup?)

The end.

"Nothing Without You" ~ Vienna Teng