laughs as tears run down her face

After my first round of chemo, I decided I wanted to become a comedian. "There's just so much material here!" I exclaimed. Then I wrote it all down in a WordPerfect document and never did anything with it again.

When I was lately at home I found the document (entitled, of course, justroutine.wpd because that was probably what my comedy routine would've been called). Here's the entirety of the file:

The WalMart trip is amusing.
Don’t touch that, I’m poisonous.
Being at home – Kiana and oranges, Kaylie and Jennie (maybe), family videos perhaps
Irony of yesterday, perhaps (the dance, the hair, etc., and then being in the hospital).  I bet I could make Derek pretty funny
learning to walk normally again
being in the hospital – coming out of anaesthesia, sleeping all the time, never getting a good night’s rest because people are always coming to see you.  Ooh, the nifty port!  Being poisoned.  The countless visits from people even during the day and how I don’t remember any of them.
Tattoos!
Lame
I went crazy

Yep.

After pondering for a while I can remember what most of these are referring to (not all of them -- who knows what I was talking about with "Kaylie and Jennie" or the "amusing" WalMart trip). But I don't think they're all that funny. Maybe it would've been the delivery?

I guess it was mostly my determination to see the bright side of the situation, and it worked.

(I do still think "Don't touch that, I'm poisonous" is funny, but not hilarious.)

And there ended my career in comedy.

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 68]

This morning I was trying to source a quotation my Relief Society president used in church yesterday and in that searching found "Improving Our Prayers" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, a BYU devotional he gave in 2003.

(Shout-out to Elder Wirthlin who's coming through on MM a lot lately!)

I really liked this devotional. As often happens, I am thinking a lot about prayer and how I can be better, and not only does Elder Wirthlin discuss some reasons our prayers might not work (lack of faith, lack of charity, etc.) he also provides a scriptural pattern for prayer -- and it's not even the Lord's Prayer! (The Lord's Prayer is a nice pattern for prayer, but it's not the only one.)

It's Psalm 37. I'm thinking of trying some of these things to improve the efficacy of my prayers.

1. Fret not (Ps. 37:1). Stop worrying. I have found myself saying to friends lately, "I can always find something to worry about." And it's so dumb. Elder Wirthlin says, "When we worry about the future, we create unhappiness in the present....Instead of worrying, focus on doing all that you can, and then leave the worrying to your Heavenly Father. If your heart is right with Him, He will take care of the worry and the fear." 

2. Trust in the Lord (Ps. 37:3). Do you believe that God loves you? He is the giver of all good gifts. He will come through for us. 

3. Do good (Ps. 37:3). From Elder Wirthlin: "We do good because we are followers of Christ. We do good because we are members of His church. We do good because we have made solemn covenants to serve as a light unto the world.Our Heavenly Father expects our actions to serve as a living testimony to ourwords. As we do good, the Lord can bless our efforts." 

4. Delight thyself also in the Lord (Ps. 37:4). Be grateful and happy with the blessings the Lord has already given, and the assurance that He will continue to bless your life in ways you don't expect. 

5. Commit thy way unto the Lord (Ps. 37:5). Keep the commandments. Keep the covenants. Cleave unto the principles of light and truth. Keep up your end of the bargain. 

6. Rest in the Lord (Ps. 37:6). Be patient. (Easiest part.) "When we rest in the Lord, we allow Him to work His will for us in His own time and in His own way."

I like these ideas (and the rest of the address). Perhaps next week if I can source my RSP I'll share her further insight (or maybe I'll just spread the unsubstantiated quote -- it's a good one).

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 67]

Last night I watched the Worldwide Young Adult Devotional presented by Brother Randall L. Ridd of the General YM Presidency. He asked us to post the answers to three questions on social media. A blog is like social media, right?

The questions are:

1. Can I do it?
2. Will it work?
3. Is it worth it?

I kind of feel like my answers to these questions (spoiler alert: the answer's Yes) make a little more sense with some context. Which means that, hold on, I have to watch the whole devotional again. Here's the link if you want to join the fun.

Brother Ridd discussed the importance of living life with real intent. He suggested three small and simple things that, if we would prioritize them in our lives, will make all the difference:

1. Keep the sacramental covenant to "Always remember Him"
2. Pray with real intent
3. Study the scriptures

So, can I do these things? Sure, but not by myself. Do you know how many times I've determined to do these things in my life? So many. I need help to do it. I'm not talking a roommate chart (though that has been helpful in the past), I need to truly understand the 'why' behind it -- and that means I need to have more love for God. Because if I have that, of course I'll do these things that He wants -- and I'll have His help every step of the way.

In RS yesterday we discussed this quotation:

Why did God put the first commandment first? Because He knew that if we truly loved Him we would want to keep all of His other commandments. “For this is the love of God,” says John, “that we keep his commandments” (1 John 5:3; see also 2 John 1:6).We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives. He must come first, just as He declares in the first of His Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3).When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, Chapter 1)

So that's the goal. While I'm waiting for the love and the habit to kick in, I hope to have the willpower to do it. I can do it.

Will it work? Probably. People wouldn't talk about how glad they are to have these habits in their lives if it didn't work for them. The times in my life that I've been really determined about this I've been happier, even if circumstances weren't the best.

And I am pretty sure it's worth it. I think everything I want in life is tied to my faithfulness to the small and simple things like this. No longer to struggle through an ordinary life, but to be immensely successful and fill the measure of my creation. All I want, to be honest. So why wouldn't it be worth it?

Now, to throw down a hashtag:

#ldsdevo

(That works, right?)

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 66]

I like this quote by President Hinckley, especially as motivation for those of us that have temple attendance as a New Year's resolution this year:

Most of our temples could be much busier than they are. In this noisy, bustling, competitive world, what a privilege it is to have a sacred house where we may experience the sanctifying influence of the Spirit of the Lord. The element of selfishness crowds in upon us constantly. We need to overcome it, and there is no better way than to go to the house of the Lord and there serve in a vicarious relationship in behalf of those who are beyond the veil of death. What a remarkable thing this is. In most cases, we do not know those for whom we work. We expect no thanks. We have no assurance that they will accept that which we offer. But we go, and in that process we attain to a state that comes of no other effort. We literally become saviors on Mount Zion. What does this mean? Just as our Redeemer gave His life as a vicarious sacrifice for all men, and in so doing became our Savior, even so we, in a small measure, when we engage in proxy work in the temple, become as saviors to those on the other side who have no means of advancing unless something is done in their behalf by those on earth. 

And so, my brothers and sisters, I encourage you to take greater advantage of this blessed privilege. It will refine your natures. It will peel off the selfish shell in which most of us live. It will literally bring a sanctifying element into our lives and make us better men and better women. (x)

I hope we can all find a way to keep temple attendance a priority in our lives.

 

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 65]

Yesterday we had the traditional combined meeting with the three wards that meet in our church building. For the second and third hours the bishops and their wives answered questions that had been submitted. It was really nice, though one of the answers hit me a little wrong.

The question was, "What is an abundant life and how can I live one?" or something like that.

The answer was, "Get married and have a family, for only then will your life be abundant. So look forward to that time and do all you can so you can have that in your future."

Okay it wasn't exactly that, but ... pretty much.

And I sat there thinking, "But I want to live an abundant life now. Surely there's a way to be happy, full, and complete even before I'm married."

So I went home and looked up "abundant life" on lds.org. There are actually a number of talks about it! My favorite is by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, given in 2006.

According to Elder Wirthlin,

The abundant life is within our reach if only we will drink deeply of living water, fill our hearts with love, and create of our lives a masterpiece.

These are the characteristics that the happiest people have in common. If we do these things, our lives can transform from ordinary to exciting and full of abundance. (I do love the word abundant. It's round and happy.)

Of course, the problem with these three things--drinking of living water, filling our hearts with love, and creating masterpieces of our lives--is that they are not easy! Actually not sure that's a problem. I kind of think that may be the point. I know that my life only feels abundant when I am working hard at something that matters.

So I guess it's the end of the year. It has just struck me that perhaps I should make some goals for 2015, and that I should put them in these categories Elder Wirthlin has listed. I think that will make me a happier person and more able to bless others' lives.

And who knows. Perhaps my goal to live an abundant life by more deeply living the gospel, selflessly serving others, and doing something remarkable will lead to me living the kind of abundant life I learned about in church on Sunday.

But even if it doesn't, I think I'll be happy.

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 64]

On Sunday my friend and I performed a piano/organ duet of "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel." We sort of made it up on the spot (well, not the very spot) by printing off the first version we found and arranging it the day before.

There are seven verses to that song, but this version had only five. They were still somewhat obscure. For example, have you ever heard of this?

O come, Thou Key of David, come
And open wide our heav'nly home
Make safe the way that leads on high
And close the path to misery.

Maybe you have. But I hadn't! I love the imagery of Him being a Key. He unlocked the gate of heaven to let us in. (Side note: the first thing I thought of when I saw this verse was this blog post, which I guess goes to show that I retain some things from week to week.)

The song is full of different titles for Christ: Emmanuel, rod of Jesse, Dayspring, Key of David, Lord. And to think that they were all wrapped up in that little baby.

This is very much a Second Coming-esque Christmas carol.

O come, thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Our spirits by thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death's dark shadows put to flight 

O come, Desire of nations, bind
in one the hearts of all mankind.
O bid our sad divisions cease
And be yourself our King of Peace.

But I think it also has meaning for us in our everyday lives. If ever we feel that we are mourning in lonely exile, we can have hope that Emmanuel, that God is with us. The rod of Jesse has freed us from Satan's tyranny and given us victory over the grave.

Rejoice.

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 63]

It's no secret that "Silent Night" isn't exactly my favorite Christmas song. Part of it is definitely that no one understands it and we always sing it wrong, and part of it is that I'm not one of those people that never gets tired of singing it at every musical function.

We sang it in our ward Christmas program yesterday. We also sang it at the stake Christmas fireside last night. And we've sung it every week in some meeting or another. And I am so tired of it.

But last night, raising my voice with 250 members of my stake, I decided to have a better attitude. I was worried the stake president was going to ask me to bear my testimony (hazards of him knowing my name) and I didn't want to go up there with nothing to say because the Spirit had left me because I hate a beloved Christmas carol.

So I thought about our Christmas program and the scriptures we'd read. The one that came to mind was Alma 7:10-12.

And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem which is the land of our forefathers, she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Son of God.
And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Around that time we sang the third verse of "Silent Night" and my mind echoed with "Son of God, love's pure light radiant[ly] beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace"

And I thought, He was born to die. He was born to perform the Atonement, and the light of love shone from His face with the promise that His birth was the start. The dawn of a life that would redeem all of us through grace.

It was really nice to gain a new appreciation of this song. And the stake president didn't call on anyone, least of all me, which is good because I was already planning to write a blog post.

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 62]

Last week I mentioned that we celebrated the start of Advent by singing the Messiah, which does have songs about Christ being born, but it also has a lot of songs about Christ's death and resurrection.

It's a sad and happy thing to think of that baby, born to die, so He could live again -- so we all can. But that truly is why we celebrate Christmas.

And though it can be difficult to have hard times during the Christmas season, of all times, this too is symbolic of Christmas.

Elder Holland said (paraphrasing God),

You can’t separate Bethlehem from Gethsemane or the hasty flight into Egypt from the slow journey to the summit of Calvary. It’s of one piece. It’s a single plan…. Christmas is joyful not because it is a season or decade or lifetime without pain and privation, but precisely because life does hold those moments for us. And that baby, my son, my own beloved and Only Begotten Son in the flesh, born ‘away in a manger, [with] no crib for his bed,’ makes all the difference in the world, all the difference in time and eternity, all the difference everywhere, worlds without number, a lot farther than your eye can see. (x)

So when sadness encroaches upon our celebration, may we remember that the joy of Christ's birth, death, and resurrection swallow up all pain.

and the words, they're everything [09]

Today's WWIS compilation is brought to you by the fact that I think about love and dating all the time, and sometimes the status bot picks up on it. (Which is impressive, because online I try to pretend that it doesn't consume my life. I mean, of course it doesn't.)

What can I say, dating can be rough

'Sparking' was slang for courting back in pioneer times. I'm thinking of bringing it back, because that would be truly hip and cool.

Speaking of colloquialisms, I've been using "digging his chili" instead of "have a crush on him" for a few months now.

At least I know the address of one of my favorite fictional boyfriends, for when real life conspires to keep me from my true love. (Also: undergrads that are thinking of digging my chili, please note last sentence of the status.)

Eating on dates can be a little nerve-wracking, but I've got nothing to worry about. (ha.) Also my habit of bringing needles to most social occasions (especially sports): attractive for my craftiness or alarming because I have weapons to hand?

I asked a guy out a few weeks ago. First time. Guess I do just set myself up now. Someone's gotta do it.

If all else fails, I can always meet someone at the grocery store. In the bread aisle. I'm sure that will be totally romantic and not awkward at all. And can you say romcom-worthy?!

followers of my faith [Mormon Monday 61]

Last night some friends and I celebrated the beginning of Advent by singing selections from the Messiah (do I italicize or quote, I don't know). It was a good time.

(x)

There's us! If you need help finding me, my roommate is wearing green in the upper left hand corner and I am sitting next to her. She makes it so easy! (I should've worn green too.)

It wasn't...my most dignified performance, however. We messed up somehow during one of the songs and I had a moment of panic that I would never be able to find out where the line was, and my response was to start laughing like a crazy person. I was laughing too hard to sing. Our song ended and we proceeded into the next piece and I was still laughing.

Remembering it later, I laughed through the entire closing prayer. I can't even remember the last time that happened.

But! Besides those two embarrassing moments, it was a great experience. I've been thinking about our final piece a little bit today. We sounded about this good:

11 And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;
 12 Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.
 13 And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power,be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever. (Revelation 5:11-13)

I enjoyed singing it but I started to realize that I'm not sure I've ever felt to shout "Praise the Lamb forever" or similar. Why not?? He did this big thing for me! And for everyone! It's a big deal! Also He's God.

Not sure if I need to listen to this music more or change some of my attitudes, but I think I would like to sing that song and really truly mean it.